Recently I wtore a post on my site: “Godville – the most repressive online game?“. Today I want to apologize for it. And also I want to explain in detail the situation and draw some conclusions from this situation.
First, I want to fully reconstruct the timeline of events. After I published my post, a month had passed. My ban in Godville actually ended as well. I logged into the game and put a link to my post in my Annals. Also put it on my personal wiki page. My account was almost immediately banned again for this.
I kept coming back to that situation periodically in my mind the whole time. It was weighing on me somewhat. Not often, but sometimes this “residue” was an unpleasant reminder. I guess it is called “conscience”?
It is very unpleasant to make mistakes. And it is even more unpleasant to realize them and correct. To admit one’s wrongdoing. But only this kind of honesty (first of all, to myself) can lead to inner equilibrium, which I (now) probably especially lack. And even the smallest irregularities in my life weigh me down. That is why it is important for me to cleanse my “karma” (which I don’t believe in, as I don’t believe in any religious aspects; the word “conscience” is more correct here).
I will begin with the fact that yesterday I wrote a letter to the developers. I give its full text in its original version (since it is my letter, and not someone else’s answer – I have the right to publish it):
decided to bury the hatchet and deleted my article “Godville – the most repressive online game?”. Reasons:
1) I do not want to spoil the reputation of the game. it is very good and it is a pity to create a spoonful of tar in the form of such an article on the net
2) still, perhaps, I was too harsh in my argument on the forum. by the standards of the Internet, these messages are fairly harmless, but you have your “gentleman’s” monastery, so … okay… I now have a difficult situation in life, I moved to Israel, here everything from scratch. so the level of annoyance is above the usual 🙂 apologize for the harshness
So this conflict is counterproductive.
this letter isn’t about the ban, just to remove the stone from my heart. it’s unpleasant to offend one of my favorite games, even if I’m defending the “freedom of speech”.
I restored my Godville videos:
after I started writing this letter, I saw comments on my site from Godville moderators (or someone else, I don’t know). anyway, just want to note that the letter is not because of these comments) just a coincidence
I mean, yesterday, when I went back to Godville after the ban and put links to my last post… It was a kind of experiment to see if it would get me thrown a ban. It was also a kind of bravado. Like I’m such a stalwart hero.
But when I put up these links, I felt the continuing conflict (which already stresses me out in life, because I get very hung up on these conflicts, even small ones). And there was also a residue of my own wrongness in the original sense of the situation. Let me explain.
It’s a coming-out… 🙂 Anyway, yes, my forum post was in trolling form. A post provocation. That was its original purpose. More accurately, it wasn’t. I was initially surprised by the situation and thought – “maybe I don’t understand something about this game?” And when I was answered in a somewhat cavalier and arrogant way (I felt it so) – a demon- provocateur woke up inside me ) I have such a tenant, somewhere deep inside, in the shadows of my soul.
So.. I began to troll and walk on the edge in the style of “The Art of Insult” by Nevzorov (I didn’t read it, but I can imagine approximately what it says). I mean, technically I was writing in a way that was literate enough not to get banned (de jure), but in fact… Yes, it was a scandal for nothing.
But it’s not exactly for nothing. I stand by my opinion, that the gameplay mechanics of sending to dungeon newbies and “pro” (“elites”) – unfortunate. But I think the reason here is more of a technical nature (the number of players, so that the queue was less, etc.), rather than the intentional desire to earn money out of it. So I apologize for the emphasis towards P2W. That’s first point.
And finally – the form itself. I wrote sharply. Provocative. Outside of the gentlemanly, warm-hearted style that should be inherent in a game like Godville. And I am actually ashamed of that.
Certainly, I recognize the justice of the ban. For the dissonance with the narrative of the game. However, I stand by my opinion that a full ban is an unfortunate decision. More correct stupid silence on the forum; block Annals… something like that. But then again, Godville has “its own monastery”. So this is purely my recommendation, which does not remove responsibility.
Anyway, back to our rams – yesterday I decided to delete that post on the site. And wrote a letter. Today I think that’s not fair to the readers of my blog. And in general, I don’t like this kind of backstabbing. If you’ve made a mistake, you have to admit it publicly.
I admit it. I decided to restore that post, but add a brightly colored apology plaque at the top.
- I was wrong to engage in a provocative forum chorus. Some people responding to me weren’t “warm and lamplight” enough either, but I’m only responsible for my own words. And I admit that I violated the narratively semantic aspect of communication in this warm and lamplight game.
- I was wrong when I wrote the post on my site. It was my response to the ban… which, as I wrote above, is too harsh in my opinion; but this one is someone else’s monastery, so I’m wrong, even responding to the ban. Godville is a wonderful distinctive game that doesn’t deserve negative epithets, much less such loud ones (repression, etc). That’s actually what I’m most unhappy about. My bad.
Why did I write this? To cleanse my souls, to remove the stones from them… etc. In fact, I’ve had a few episodes like that in my gaming biography. I have a bad trait – intemperance. And I also have a problem with transference of negativity. If I feel bad, I need somewhere to take the negativity away. So if there’s a situation where there’s a conflict and you have this bad charge, you put it out there. This is inherent in a lot of people; I’ve seen it on YouTube in the comments under my videos. And I understand those people.
It’s important to learn how to deal with negative emotions. And if you have messed up, find the strength to apologize and admit your “defeat” at this point in your life. A defeat in front of your complexes and weaknesses. And try to become a better person so that you don’t make the same mistakes again.
Why is this post important to me? I’m a community supporter myself at games. And I’ve encountered situations where people walk competently on the edge of the banhammer handle. That is, I myself have been in situations where de facto you have to level the conflict; but de jure you have to apply the “admin is always right; if admin is wrong, see point 1” rule. So it was doubly hypocritical of me to use such a dirty trick in another game.
That said, I was having a lot of fun when I came up with all those epithets about “elites”, “log-carriers” and the like. It was hilarious creativity. Still, I overdid it there in toxicity. Not knowing the measure, lost my manners (it was an attempt to come up with an aphorism. “spent!”). But the memes came out decent (imho). That is, I got into the role of a dude who wrote about the “karavany and palace guard” (russian gamedesigners’ meme)… and brought this role to its climax) In this sense, the situation becomes less evil and more of a comic. That’s how I felt about it when I wrote my carts on the forum.
I’m especially embarrassed that they might think that I’m trying to get my account unbanned here. No I’m not 🙂 I only play chess and a couple of idle games at the moment. Godville is a good thing, of course, but I’m not addicted to it and I can wait until the ban expires. But someone might think that’s what this “asker” was written for. No. The point is that I just want to take the sin off my soul.
But yes… the ban had an effect on me. Like, in a sense, jail time. It’s “retribution” that pushes some button inside (labeled “conscience”). And it was pressed on the third hit of the banhammer.
I thought maybe there was something I could do to help Godville, to make amends for this misbevariour. But what can I — as a game designer — analyze the gameplay and give advice — no one there needs that, I think. Godville, which started out as a ZRPG, has long since moved into the idle RPG category. And the developers know what they’re doing, everyone is developing things the right way. It’s hard to imagine developing this game any better than it is now. A lot of innovative things people have come up with; original and unstolen. Kudos for that. I don’t think I could have developed Godville any better (given my ego as a game designer, believe me – that’s the highest praise… although my ego is shattered now, I made a video about it recently).
So all I can do is write this post. Well… on the other hand, I once made some videos about Godville, recommended it to a lot of people… So I think, all in all, the debt is paid in advance. Zero.
Peace and goodness to all! Do not troll in the wrong places 🙂 Or at least know the measure. Better make your own site and do what you want. But here immediately comes the moment of truth – on your site you will not be a pig. But on other people’s – yes, please. Be a good piglets, not vicious piglet-hogs. And I’ll try to be a good piggy, too, even though I’m a bear.
In general, I have a kind of a taste for the dramatic. Apparently I sublimate my cravings for the stage in other life situations. On the one hand, it’s funny… but it’s also a real hindrance in life. Instead of sublimating, you should realize these emotions in the right place at the right time. Doing shketches? )